19 today. Birthdays are so fickle. Gifts are pointless - why do we congratulate people for something natural as aging? Job well done, you've made it another year on earth. Stuff bread with too sweet of icing down your throat post ceremonial fire extinguishing breath, then tear paper off a gift and call it a day. I have no cake today - my gift will be two needles in my ears.
Today is appropriately the day I am remind of the two clocks on my shoulders, pendulums swinging in opposite directions. One counts how long I've been alive, every chime a trumpet sound. Its sister counts how long I have left - its ticking is much more subtle and with transparent numbers. I've considered their nature and remain reverent of both - naturally I would reflect on this today, wouldn't I?
the true gift this day has to offer me is the rekindling of a blog-journal-vessel of thoughts hybrid public device. I've battled myself time and time again, questioned my approaches, adjusted my perspective, reapplied logical equations with my own emotional variables. I was constantly defeated by the more sensitive, melancholy side of my personality that continues to focus on the difficult aspects: who will honestly read this, would I truly dedicate the maximum, appropriate attention to flourish my idea, etc. I experienced one last dark age to contemplate my intentions fully and re-prioritized - so here I am again, and hopefully I'll stay.
I look forward to exclamations and liberations.