Happy Birthday Harlequin!

Anora Crescent Photography

So I’ve never made a birthday post, although I’ve had this blog for several years, I’ve never thought to publish a post exactly on May 7th. And I really don’t know what to say - but I did want to share these photos that Cyndi of Anora Crescent Photography took because they’re kind of special to me. And you know what’s different? This is one of the few times I’ve ever tried smiling in photos. Isn’t that weird? I realized I don’t smile often in photos. Like, never actually. Too busy trying to channel some sort of model fierceness, I guess. And then while I was compiling these pictures together, it kind of brought back memories as a kid when I never smiled with my teeth  in pictures because I was so embarrassed by them for so long – first, I had really crooked teeth, then I had braces for several years. I remember someone later on finally told me that you shouldn’t care about how your smile looks, so long as you’re smiling. And the encouragement helped. And then life happened, and I got to a point where I didn’t even remember those old feelings – old insecurities were replaced with new ones. Life is funny like that.

In lieu of birthday nostalgia, what I also find cool about these pictures is family jewelry I’m representing. I’ve worn some of these pieces before on this blog. One of my very first blog posts was one I modeled “family vintage” with a skirt, handbag and jewelry that all belonged to my mother, grandmother, or great-grandmother. The tagline was “four generations in one look.” I’m wearing the same necklace from that post: it’s my mom’s pendant with my grandmother’s pearls that I restrung back when I used to make jewelry. The bracelets and the rings are also thrifted vintage from flea markets and other consignment.

I bought the tartan I’m wearing while I was in Scotland – it’s touristy, but I’m so glad I have it. It’s so cute and warm. It makes me feel like an American Girl doll or something. Especially with this cute embroidered coat I bought from Forever 21. It’s so fancy!

I’m getting ready for my birthday weekend celebration! This is what happens when your birthday is on a Thursday. I’ve still got Friday to go through until it’s the weekend!

In and Out of Focus

top - banana republic (thrifted), skirt - j.crew factory, tights - new york & company, necklace - vintage

 You'll have to forgive me because I'm still learning the in's and out of my new birthday present, the tripod. These shots were mainly experimental on both the aspects of angling and camera settings. But I think I have a better grasp than what I started out with - somehow in my mind, I thought that since I now have my own camera and tripod the laws of science would bend for me but lighting is still the greatest foe of the photography world....I have not yet mastered that.

In happy news, I ended my insane six classes this semester with all A's and a B in Biology (I told you, science and I aren't friends...) and decided to regroup before I embarked on summer classes to finish up my degree. Plus, I thought this would be an opportune time to take this blog places where I would like to see it go, to grow exponentially and really have time to devote to these virtues.

It's wonderful to breathe again. But even more, it's wonderful to feel aspirations again. When we have countless obligations, what we really want to do for ourselves becomes tragically trampled - especially when what we want to do is better ourselves, or tend to our own happiness and well being. I get truly captivated by the ideas I come up with on a whim. It's a wonderful thing to feel like, "hey! I can do this and it would be cool!" 

I have tutorials upon tutorials to guide me through better portrait taking. This really reflects just how much emphasis I'm putting on myself these days - I can now fully rely on just myself to get what I need done and that's much safer. If I believe in myself, I should be able to rely on myself. It feels like for most of my journey in this blog, one or other element has been off balance in this scale where equilibrium is success. More proof that everything in life isn't handed to you, you have to build upon something to become greater. 

Being 20 feels strange. For the build up to my birthday, I did my best to avoid thinking of it for the duration. It's hard to express my feelings towards turning this age, but I struggle with age and numbers that determine maturity. 

Just waiting on the weather to improve before I experiment with the tripod and camera, i.e. the tools of my new trade.

-H.