Dilettante

Top - thrifted (banana republic), skirt - Urban Outiffters, tights - don't remember, shoes - nine west, peter pan collar - f21, origami stock photos @ http://www.sxc.hu/, 

noun 1. a person who takes up an art, activity, or subject merely for amusement, especially in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler.
2. a lover of an art or science, especially of a fine art.

~

I feel like I'm very slowly and meticulously 'finding my niche' in this industry and it's simultaneously helping me discover myself on some level.

Let me explain the significance of 'the niche': when I first started this blog, I had all the support in the world from my friends and family. One of the most guiding pieces of advice I was given was to find a way to break a mold, find a specialized niche that is completely of your own invention - let's face it, there's a million beautiful girls out there with their own unique sense of style who want to share it with the world. That's great. Power to you. But if you don't differentiate yourself from the next girl, your style and personality are just going to be washed under the rushing sea of the rest of the community. I find myself saying these sort of things when giving style advice* to other girls: don't do that, it's too mainstream. Meh, it's been done before. I consider myself a snob in this manner, but how else are trends made if you're not a little daring and stubborn?

*I think that's the biggest perk of the blog. Somehow running one translates to people I know remotely anything about fashion/style. So I get told often "I'm gonna make you my shopping buddy!" Sure, if you want someone to tell you how mainstream something looks and suggest something else that looks terrifying on the hanger to you, I'm your girl. (That being said, I really should concoct a formula/blog post about how to shop in thrift stores, because that's what I keep running into - people who like the idea of buying reused, but have no idea where to start.)

Having just constructed a very snotty argument about not wearing conventional trends, I bring myself to talk about the peter pan collar - ok, ok, it is a trend right now, BUT I firmly believe it's one that I will stick with because A. I've always loved them and their childlike quality. B. With my hair, it superficially makes me feel like some sort of 60's mod and thus gets me one step closer to time travel. C. collars in general are decorative palettes to me. (I've been in the habit lately of taking clip-on earrings and putting them on my collars. Expect a blog with one soon.) and lastly, D. because they're such a trend now, I'm able to find them everywhere I go, whereas before, I was on eBay a few months back looking at some from Hong Kong. I just saved myself a bunch of shipping and handling.


-H.

When I have my own magical castle I call home, I'm totally doing this. 

Secrets, secrets are no fun.

Cardigan - J.crew factory, shirt - f21, shorts - DIY thrifted, necklace - f21 clearance wooot, journal - gift!

Meet Secrets. 

She's the shy little journal I take with me everywhere I go. She is the vessel for the one off, crazy ideas that come into my head before I pull a Kubla Kahn and am interrupted before I can finish my thoughts (that Coleridge poem has become the irony of my life.) Just the notion of someone snatching her from me and dissecting her content makes me shutter. Some of these ideas are bizarre even to me after a second glance, not to mention these are the barest essentials of things I find meaningful. Secrets would, of course, make very little sense to the outside perspective - I fear if I were forced to explain to someone what I meant by what I wrote at times, the value of having Secrets would be eradicated. Everything in  Secrets is like an abbreviation for an even bigger idea, or contributes to a higher purpose. Some nights I keep her by my bed and when I can't sleep, I'll write what I'm thinking about. Most of it is undecipherable handwriting, and not being able to remember what I was thinking about at odd hours of the night doesn't help break the code.

That seems to be the nature of most facets of inspiration these days - it's something gently realized as in a passing observation that rings truer and truer the more it's pondered. I don't understand these poets and writers who produce multitudes of stories, each with dimensions of plot that entertain sub-concepts when I feel like I use the same word too often. I only call a poem or story finished when I've given up the chase of expressing my idea in the realest translation possible. 

Someone told me Leonard Da Vinci wrote his to-do lists in his journals opposite the first draft sketches of his major masterpieces. While I juggle the heftier concerns of my artistic development,  I wonder about what I'll wear. My closet is like a puzzle that has no finished product, I just keep rearranging the pieces until I like what I see. I guess I do this with stories and poems too. Some days it comes easier than others. I just have to make the most of the days that count. 

Everyone needs a Secret in their life. Mine was a gift, and its one that continues to give. These pages are like mirrors where you can learn about the strangest ways the human mind ticks and tocks. 

-H. 

In and Out of Focus

top - banana republic (thrifted), skirt - j.crew factory, tights - new york & company, necklace - vintage

 You'll have to forgive me because I'm still learning the in's and out of my new birthday present, the tripod. These shots were mainly experimental on both the aspects of angling and camera settings. But I think I have a better grasp than what I started out with - somehow in my mind, I thought that since I now have my own camera and tripod the laws of science would bend for me but lighting is still the greatest foe of the photography world....I have not yet mastered that.

In happy news, I ended my insane six classes this semester with all A's and a B in Biology (I told you, science and I aren't friends...) and decided to regroup before I embarked on summer classes to finish up my degree. Plus, I thought this would be an opportune time to take this blog places where I would like to see it go, to grow exponentially and really have time to devote to these virtues.

It's wonderful to breathe again. But even more, it's wonderful to feel aspirations again. When we have countless obligations, what we really want to do for ourselves becomes tragically trampled - especially when what we want to do is better ourselves, or tend to our own happiness and well being. I get truly captivated by the ideas I come up with on a whim. It's a wonderful thing to feel like, "hey! I can do this and it would be cool!" 

I have tutorials upon tutorials to guide me through better portrait taking. This really reflects just how much emphasis I'm putting on myself these days - I can now fully rely on just myself to get what I need done and that's much safer. If I believe in myself, I should be able to rely on myself. It feels like for most of my journey in this blog, one or other element has been off balance in this scale where equilibrium is success. More proof that everything in life isn't handed to you, you have to build upon something to become greater. 

Being 20 feels strange. For the build up to my birthday, I did my best to avoid thinking of it for the duration. It's hard to express my feelings towards turning this age, but I struggle with age and numbers that determine maturity. 

Just waiting on the weather to improve before I experiment with the tripod and camera, i.e. the tools of my new trade.

-H.